Chapter Five: Lets Do This

I have always been the early riser. I wished I could have still been sleeping with Scott. Cut to me, jumping back in bed with Scott. Scott started to stir and waken from a seemingly good dream. I gave him a little angel kiss.

"Hey baby." I whispered, "Sleep good?"

"Yeah," he rubbed his eyes, "I had a dream about you."

I kissed him on the cheek. "Maybe you could tell me sometime."

Scott got out of bed and we took our showers. Mine was first, I was going to cook for my baby. Well, so what, we haven't exactly been “together” long enough to be boyfriends. But we've been such good friends that we practically were.

"Scott, you don't have to worry about our future." I assured him, "I have loved you since I met you, and I will always love you."

Scott looked like he was remembering something painful, eyes filled with tears. "I feel the same way about you. But will you still be there when I have to tell my parents?"

Now came the inevitable seriousness of our conversation. "Scott, like I said. I will always be there for you . . . Always."

From there, we talked about how and when Scott would come out. No longer was the question of "if". For now, the questions were "when", "how" and most importantly "who". When I came out I made the mistake of telling Allan, who knew Ahmad. It wasn't Allan's fault. I told him that he could tell anyone he really wanted, but I told him to use discretion. It was Ahmad who was at fault.

I spent the rest of the weekend with Scott planning my birthday party. But on Tuesday, my family had to go to Colorado on vacation. I didn't want to go, I did everything I could to stay the rest of the week with Scott. I hit a soft spot in my parents defenses by saying, " . . . Oh . . . (hitting my self on the head) stupid me, you're just too scared to leave your, 'poor wittle baby boy' alone. So, you just have to make me come with you."

After I said that, they finally let me stay. After my parents dropped me off and had driven away, I basically jumped on Scott. We were able to spend even longer together. Well, that day, and practically all the rest, we hung around, went on a few bike rides and just played and laughed.

But on Friday at around 3 o' clock, Scott's parent's came home. Scott totally tensed up the instant that his parents were in the door. I was tense too, Scott and I were just talking about how he would come out. Suddenly, Scott sprang up from the couch he and I were sitting on.

"Mom, I have something to tell you . . ." He started.

I jumped up to grab Scott, "Hold on Mrs. P. I have to talk to him for a sec."

I took Scott and led him around the corner. "Scott are you sure about this? What if they flip and kick you out of the house?"

"I am willing to take that risk," He stated, "You'll be there with me, holding my hand all the way."

I agreed to be there with him. But I didn't really want to be in the crossfire or blamed for "turning" their son gay. And deep inside, I had a really bad feeling. Something was going to happen. So I'll just have to be quick in getting Scott and I out of the house quick.

Scott went back up to his mom, with my hand in his. "Ummm . . . Mom, about what I was going to say. It's kind of hard to say. . ." A short period of silence followed, "Oh hell, I'll just say it: Mom I'm gay."

Scott's mom just sat there. She didn't say a thing. But after a few minutes she went into the den where Scott's dad was, I assumed to go tell him. A few moments later I heard him yelling something. Mr. P stormed into the kitchen were Scott and I were sitting.

"Scott," He started, "Is what your mother is saying true?"

Scott nodded.

"Okay," Mr. P's face started to flame up with anger.

"Ummm . . . Scott," I said nervously, "I think we should go now."

" No!! " Scotts dad yelled, " You are no longer wanted in this house!!! Get your belongings and get the hell out of my house, both of you!! "

We both ran upstairs and threw our stuff into our bags and got out of the house as soon as possible. When we were walking to my house, I studied Scott's face. I was surprised that were no expressions, at all. I had no idea what to do, I was soo shaken up by what had just transpired.

When we got home Scott just burst out of tears and cried in my chest. I held him there and comforted him. That was all I could do. While Scott was sobbing he burst out in a mind spinning babble. There were only a few words that I could make out, "Sad . . . Fuck them . . . Glad . . . You are here."

He looked like he had finished crying and I got him some water so he could feel better. Wiping the tears from his eyes he said, "Gabe, I am soo glad you are here with me."

I kissed him on the forehead and we sat together in the hall until my parents came home. Mom almost tripped over us not expecting someone to be home.

"Oh, hi guys," Mom said.

"Hi Kathy," Scott sniffled.

"Ummm . . ." I said to mom, "Mom I have to talk to you and Dad about something.

I'll be right back Scott."

I lead Mom and Dad into the den and started to tell them what happened. My dad was concerned about the relationship between Scott and myself. I told him that I couldn't garenty that Scott and I weren't going to do someting, but he had no where to stay. My dad considered this and said he could stay, with reluctance. I went back to Scott and told him that he could stay with me in my room. Scott was grateful and he and I went up to unpack.

"John, you didn't have to overact like that." Mary, Scott's mother, said to John.

"Why shouldn't I, Mary!" John raised his voice a little, "I just found out our son is fruity!"

Mary knew that what she was going to say was dangerous, but she did it anyway.

"John my brother is gay," Mary told John.

"Great!" John exclaimed, "Just great, two fruits in my family."

"I don't like that fact that our son is gay. I hate the fact that we won't have grandchildren now." Mary said, "But we should at least give him a chance."

"NO!" John shot back, "I don't want him in my house ever again. Tomorrow I will take his crap over to his fruity friend."

At those words John went up to Scott's room and started putting Scott's belongings into brown boxes.

Unpacking my belongings, I looked over at Scott. Scott was still sniffling and wiping a few stray tears off of his face.

"Gabriel," Scott asked, "What do you think will happen now?"

"Honestly Scott, I don't know." I said

My thoughts turned to Scott's father and how he had reacted. I could only hope that he was going to see the error in his reaction. Scott's dad should realize that Scott is the same as ever. He is just more open. To me, Scott could never change, he is beautiful and caring. Scott finished moving in and went down stairs to cool down and watch some television. Scott curled up next to me and I threw a blanket around both of us. We were watching SCREAM on Pay Per View. SCREAM is one of my favorite movies. Surprisingly enough, Scott is scared of that movie. Luckily for him, the beginning scene is probably the goriest. Scott and I watched the movie and then went to bed at about 12:30 PM . After what had happened that day, we were both pretty beat.

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Scott sobbing. Scott was face down into a pillow, crying. I hugged him from behind and kissed him on the back of the neck to show him it was me. He turned around and kissed me back.

"I'm so scared Gabriel." Scott sobbed, "My own dad rejected me. He'll never talk to me again."

"Shhhh," I comforted him, "It's okay. We have each other. You have me and I have you. That's all we need. A love that's true."

"That's sweet. I love you too Gabriel, but I don't think I can live with without a father."

"I know Scott, I know it feels bad. But It'll get better."

"I know, but when?"

"I don't know when Scott. But I can promise you this: I am here now and I will never leave you."

We kissed and I took him downstairs to wash up and get some breakfast. Scott could hardly do anything himself in that state. Breakfast was quiet. I never eat breakfast, actually. But, He needed someone to be with him and I wouldn't feel right if I was not eating when he was. After breakfast, Scott and I went up stairs, showered and dressed.

For the occasion I dressed in urban camoflauged pants and a black muscle shirt. Scott did not bring any black with him, but wore the darkest that he had. That day, I promised him we would go into San Fran and see all of the sites to see. Stepping out onto that cold June morning with Scott's hand in my own reminded me of the song "Kissed By A Rose" by Seal.

My mom had offered to take Scott and I into San Francisco . She asked us where we wanted to go first. Scott didn't have any ideas of where to go, but I told her I wanted to go into The Castro and visit PULP (On the corner of Market and Castro) to get some Pride stickers and then go sight-seeing. I had never seen The Castro before and was eager to see it. Maybe seeing all of the Gay Pride would cheer Scott up and let him take pride in who he is. What he is does not and never will matter. . .

That day was full of fun stuff that all ended way too soon. With the arrival of four large brown boxes that had been set upon our doorstep. The box closest to the door had a note on it. Scott took one look at the boxes and turned around to sit in the car.

"I don't want to know what it says Gabriel." Scott said, "You read it."

I was hesitant to pick up the note. Who knew what it could contain. I read the note aloud:

" Scott, I know you may feel confused now. But, turning gay is not the way to deal with it. If you want to be gay, please don't bother to come home ever again. Your Ex-Father"

Scott gulped, "Can you leave alone for a little bit?"

Scott was heart-broken, his dad was the best person he had ever, but, so was Gabriel. He was the one who had torn Scott away from his father and influenced Scott . . . how? How did he influence Scott. Gabriel was trying so hard to believe that it was his fault.

And Scott was seriously questioning himself. Should he stay with Gabriel or reject him for the love of his father? The stakes were too high to make either decision. Scott wanted to have the care and support of his father and the mutual love between Gabriel and himself. He felt lost. Wait a sec, Scott thought to himself, I'll ask Gabe, he'll fix it.

Scott came up to me. It appeared as though he was on the verge of tears.

"So . . . " I tried to make conversation. No luck though.

"Gabriel, I have to make a decision between you and your family or my dad and leave you forever." Scott said, rather quietly.

"Whoa! Oh wow! That's a tuffy!" I gasped.

I knew that I wanted Scott to be with me forever. But deep down I also knew that Scott's father was a very important person in his life. Also, I did not want to get anymore involved in this struggle than to provide support to Scott. My heart was telling my to go over to Scott's dad and try to talk some sense into him; my mind said no. A decision was what I knew I needed, I just couldn't think about what type of decision I should even consider.

Scott had grown to be the most important thing in my life. He and I went everywhere together. I could not image a life that did not have Scott in it. My dependency was upon my relationship between Scott and I. That was about the time that my insecurity was made more aware.

I found myself wondering if Scott would leave me. But I would just shake off the thought. Scott said that he loved me and that he needed me. He couldn't leave me for his father. We loved each other.

"Scott, I love you, and I hope you feel the same about me too." I said to him, "But I can't help you make the decision between me or you father. I probably sound like everyone who has had kids but, you need to make the decision on your own."

"Yeah, I know," Scott replied, "I just need some guidance to help me with this decision."

"Oh okay." I agreed, "You might want to try and talk to him tomorrow. By then, I am almost positive he will be able to talk. When he packed your stuff, I think he was just saying 'I won't have something that I don't know about in my house'. You just need to be yourself when you talk to him. Let him know that nothing has changed with you, he just knows more about you."

"Yeah, okay." He agreed.

"Scott, Gabe . . . " Mom yelled out from a window. "Get ready to go out for dinner."

"Okay mom." I yelled back to her. "Now com'on Scott, let's get ready for dinner."

We went to dinner at Scott's favorite pizza parlor, La Val's. La Val's has the greatest pizza in the world! After a few slices, Scott and I were stuffed. Mom and Dad let us invite a friend over that night too. There was no question of who it was . . .

"Jon," Scott and I both said into the phone, "Do you want to spend the night?"

"Umm . . ." Jon said, "I have to ask my parents."

Jon left the phone and I heard him talking to his parents in the background. "They said I could go."

"Cool" Said Scott.

"Ummm . . . Does five minutes sound okay?" Jon asked.

"Make it two." Scott replied.

“I . . . uh . . .” Jon was off guard.

“Gotcha!” We both yelled into the phone.

“But hurry up!” I added.

“Okay, bye.” The other line clicked and he was gone.

Scott and I cleaned up our room and decide what we should do that night. We really wanted to know what Jon would do in Scott's position. Also, Scott and I had recently met a single guy that Jon may have been interested in. So, we were eagerly awaiting Jon's arrival. Actually, I also had some other plans for that night too . . .

Jon arrived when he said he would, five minutes, on the dot. I had moved all of our supplies that I had picked out downstairs into the family room. Scott and I greeted Jon. We got to talking and found out our plans for the summer. We found out that Jon was going to be at Lincoln next year too. (A few weeks before school was out, there was this big hype with his parents about going to a new school. So we were just wondering what would happen with him.”

We told Jon about the whole thing that Scott was going through and asked what he would do in a situtation like that.

"Well . . ." Jon thought about it, "I wouldn't give someone like Gabriel up for the world. He's probably the only person that really knows and cares about what your emotions are. And your dad, he's just acting like an @$$hole, he should see that you're the same as ever, he has just changed his perception of you."